The Messy Middle

from Kimiko Egy

Right now, God is asking a lot of me. I’m in a season of transition. My roles as wife, mother, neighbor, and friend will remain, but in terms of ministry, God is leading me away from some things and toward new ones. I’m in that messy middle place, where I’m busy tying up loose ends while keeping my eyes on the journey ahead. There’s so much to finish, and so much to begin.

Good news: I like hard work. I don’t have any trouble rolling up my sleeves! Plus, God has gifted me with vision—I can often see where we’re headed, and keep that destination in view. Once He’s pointed the way, I am ready to go! When Hebrews 12:2 says, “[L]et us run with endurance the race set before us,” I steel myself for hard work and get moving.

And yet. I have this other problem. All too often, these are the very things I look to for significance. Hard worker? Whatever it is, I can do it. Clear vision & plan to carry it out? Way ahead of you. Stick with me, and this will go perfectly. Steady commitment? I won’t let you down.

I guess you can see why this season is, for me, something of a minefield. Lately, I’ve spent every waking breath trying to do it all and be enough for the sake of the vision, for everyone—kids, husband, church, community, friends. Unsurprisingly, it’s not working. Instead, I recently found myself sobbing in my living room.

Luckily, the writer of Hebrews has more to say: “Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith...” (Heb. 12:2). Looking to Jesus. Not the next temporary destination He’s shown me, or the obstacles in my path, and certainly not my own self-sufficiency, but Jesus! He’s the One who started me on this whole journey, and He’s the one who will enable me to finish. And on the way there, He’s perfecting my faith, teaching me to trust Him alone. What am I doing, staring at my vision and my hard work? I am so short-sighted!

So what does it look like, right now, for me to Go Boldly? I’m taking deep breaths and fixing my eyes again on Jesus as I complete the work that’s in front of me. As I consider my daily to-do list, I’m asking Him to help me trust that He alone is enough for these people and situations. I’m praying, asking with each task, Is this work necessary? Do you want me to put this down? And I’m putting less faith in my own limited vision, realizing that God alone sees the whole picture of what lies ahead. Trusting Him, and not myself, in this busy transition season—for me, that’s boldness.

 

Noah Gray